Always Beside You
by krissy108
Summary: Angel does the unthinkable to save Buffy, but will she stay with him at all? PLEASE review and I'll return the favor.


She'd walked these graveyards nearly every night for almost two years now. And in all those dark, cold nights slaying the undead was getting no easier. To Buffy the day seemed never ending, and on top of everthing she was missing the biggest SunnydaleU. party of the year! Instead of meeting totally hot college boys she was stuck roaming the dark, dank graveyard slaying the monsters that roamed the streets of Sunnydale.

But these cold nights did have their perks. Buffy could feel that all to faimilar twinge in the pit of her stomach telling her, that certain perk, was approching fast.

" I thought you were staying in tonight." She said without even turning around, she knew must be Angel.

She hated seeing him weak like this, if only she could get her hands on Spike and Drusilla...

" I know Buffy... I just had to see you." Angel spoke looking at her that way, that way that made her heart do flips and her legs turn to mush.

Now he was leaning in for one of those long, heart stopping, breath stealing kisses.

Angel could get lost with her, forget what he was, forget everything but the warm, beauty in his arms.

"mmm... as much as I'd love to keep doing..whatever it is we're doing here... I've got to hunt tonight, Giles' orders."

Buffy said with a groan trying to turn away from Angel's grasp.

But he wasen't so quick to let her go, he didn't want to hunt right now, he didn't want her to leave the safety his arms. He hated Buffy's slaying, it ment her being in danger around the clock, and that wasen't something Angel enjoyed. He hated not being able to protect her. Angel hated having to send her away as their nights ended, into the light, into danger, without being there by her side.

If only there was some way to change everything, not only her calling, but his 'un-dead' state..then maybe, just maybe they could be together. But Angel couldn't afford to dream like that; it did nothing but make him even more angry at the world.

" Fine.. we can spread out we'll cover more ground, we'll get done quicker that way." he huffed. Wondering why Sunnydale graveyards had to be so large-a strange sort of grin crossed his face-things like _HIM_ were the reason Sunnydale had graveyards spanning acres.

"Angel you are in NO shape to fight tonight. You know I can't do my job when I'm worrying about you." Buffy pleaded.

" Buffy you've got no reason to worry, its been a few weeks, I've healed. The night will be over before you know it and then we can get on to better things." Angel said with a sly grin that melted Buffy's resolve.

He could see in Buffy's eyes she'd already given in to him, but it wasen't like her to give up so easily.

" Okay, but be careful, I don't want you getting hurt." She said so quickly , shocking him with her sudden resolution.

" Same here." Angel said stealing one last kiss before dissappearing into the shadows, quickly making his way through the graveyard.

God...just that look in his eyes drove her wild, she loved him so much. Buffy could never get away from the memory of his arms around her, being away from him seemed like a fate worse than death at that moment. All she ever wanted in a man..in life for that matter, he was giving to her.

Angel was her everything.

There was no way Angel could have stayed home in bed another night. He had to come out and see Buffy, and thats just what he did.

He could tell she wasen't too keen on him being out and about but he was dieing to see her face; he missed her smile.

But as he walked away he could see that old twinkle in her eye, that dimple he saw only when she was truly happy.

That was what drew him to her, that love she had for living, seeing that same love dimming was killing him..but he didn't know anything about _living_..he'd been dead for centuries.

But he knew she was somthing special and it sent a smile to his lips knowing she was all his.

He could barely keep his mind on the hunt, every thought he had was of Buffy and not what was lerking in the shadows, waiting.

He was so entwined in his thoughts he didn't hear the crunch of the leaves behind him. He didn't see the group of vampires quietly advancing toward him.

"Hello Angelus." the largest vamp said as he threw a punch at Angel's head, missing as Angel ducked and lunged for his knees.

" Can no one get the name right?" he growled as he easily staked what had to be the largest vamp he'd ever seen.

" We hit the jackpot tonight." Another vamp of the same size said to himself as he exited the curtain of trees to Angel's right. Angel responded with his stake. Throwing it fast, faintly smiling as it hit its mark and sank deep into his chest.

Before the ashes had a chance to hit the ground he had the last vamp by the neck.

"What did he mean by that?!" Angel snapped as his last stake hovered over the vampires heart.

"Be cool man, be cool!" the vamp said trying to crawl away from Angel's grasp.

" WHAT DID HE MEAN!" Angel spat angrily, shaking the fledgling.

"Earlier.. we find you and your girl.. the slayer... and just let me say you two are one screwed up couple and y..."

Before he could finish he was dust.

_I should have felt it, I should have felt it !_ Angel cursed himself as he turned, running with everything in him- following her scent on the wind. He had to get to her before it was too late.

He practically flew across the graveyard. He got there in no time.

Cold tears stung at his eyes as the cold air hit his face like needles. He'd gladly accept that pain and so much more just to see her smile one more time. He'd gladly die a thousand times over just to see her standing around the next corner smiling up at him.

Angel nearly stumbled through the bushes as he caught sight of blonde hair shining, saw her broken body crumpled in front of a large headstone.

He nelt down by her side and pulled her to him as gently as he possibily could. Her pulse was so weak he could barely make it out underneith his fingertips , she was so pale. He gently turned her head and caught a glimps of her bloodied neck, her hair hiding the marks he knew for certain where hiding there.

"Angel..." Buffy moaned her voice so slight he could bearely make it out above the howel of the wind in his ears. Her eyes opened up to look at him, through a haze of pain. The darkness was fighting to claim her and she knew she was too weak to win that battle, but she wouldn't go, not yet...not until he knew.

"Angel...I love you." Her final words to him, a stake through his heart couldn't have produced the pain that filled him at her words..with her last breath she declaired her love for him...A man that wasn't be there, didn't save her. How could she love him?

"Its okay, Im here now." He quickly picked her up framing her pale simling face with his hands. Angels swore he felt her temperature drop then, with a curse he stood , heading for the manson as if he had wings. The manson was the only place where he could gather his thoughts and deside what to do next, how to save her. He knew somewhere the hospital couldn't help her now, she was just too far gone for that.

He could take care of her there. He had to , he couldn't let her just die like this.

But if...

The dark horrible thought filled his head before he could block it out..what if he turned her...made her like him..never again would there be nights like these where she was at deaths door, together they could live _forever_.

Just the thought of Buffy's once beautiful face staring up at him in the form of a demon was enough to bring tears to his eyes once again. But he couldn't just sit here and watch her fade away in his hands knowing that he could save her from death. Could he live with himself if he _was _to turn her?

He burst through the manson's glass doors , headed toward his couch, and layed her body down on the cool leather. She looked so weak and small laying there broken and bloodied, he had to make his decision and make it quickly. On one hand he had losing her forever -watching her die in his arms, on the other he had making her a moster, evil like him- forcing her to live in the shadows for eternity..and that was if she _even __chose_ to stay with him after what he might do. He couldn't let her die..he hated to admit it but he was as selfish as they come, he needed her.

He couldn't explain the feeling that traveled over him as he loward his mouth to her neck..he was so scared, and yet he felt an odd sense of exitment at what could happen next. He felt discusted with himself as he sank his fangs into neck, felt her blood flowing into his mouth, reminding him of all the horrors he'd comited years before. But God, some part of him, the demon inside was loving it. '_The demon _' he reminded himself '_Not you _'.

But this act topped everything he had ever done in all his centuries roaming, killing. He lay here killing the only woman he loved, damning her to a fate worse than death, making her a demon. Angel felt her heart slow even more, as he brought his blooded wrist to her lips. Finally the act was done, not a minute to soon for Angel, it ment his hell was just a few short hours away.

But the waiting killed him the most. After a few minutes, what seemed like hours, Angel set to pacing before the couch where she was lay dieing.

Every second looking down on her , waiting for her eyes to open, waiting for...he had no idea.

The first lights of dawn peeked through under the long dark, dust covered shades. The second Angel looked back her her eyes flashed open suddenly filled with panic. And damn him, he had no idea what to do or what to say as she bolted upright staring at him all the while.

Buffy awoke in a place she wasn't expecting. A haze of pain and shock blurred her vision as she awoke. She knew she was dead, she could feel the changes in herself, the cold chill replaced her warmth, the heart beat she'd went to sleep with the night before replaced with an odd hollow. The terrible memories assalted her as she blinked in an effort to clear her vision. The memory of fangs sliding through her skin, a heavy body above her holding her down as she tried in vain to fight. A vision of the previous night enveloped her, she pressed her hands to her ears to shut out the faint little noises the vampire had made as he fed..she could feel the strong cold hands holding her in place, the fangs dancing across her skin just before biting down, ripping her flesh. Through a haze she saw the vampire rise and move off of her, the last face she'd seen...his dark brown eyes..his dark hair...'Angel..how could he...no,no,no' Buffy said to herself. ' _This can't be... its wrong, my mind's just playing tricks on me_ ' . This was hell... it must be. She'd died and gone to hell, this was the only way... Angel would never this to her.

But if she was dead, why did she feel so alive? She felt stronger somehow, more powerful. She couldn't be dead and feel this way.

Buffy was so confused a million thoughts ran through her head and she didn't know what bizzar nightmare she'd awakened to.

"Buffy.." Angel said reaching out to put her hand in his, she jerked back in terror sinking back into the black couch. She stared up at him with eyes filled with pain and confusion, eyes that filled him with sorrow

"Buffy please.." Angel sobbed.

"Answers .._now!" _Buffy said with a growl so fierce that it startled them both.

"Buffy you were so close to slipping away from me...I had to ...they nearly---nearly killed you." Angel said wiping the tears away with his sleeve.

"So what..y..you just felt like finishing the job?!" Buffy spat the words at him with so much anger filling her voice he jerked as if she'd struck him. He would rather she hit him, killed him even , _anything_ but this.

" Buffy..I couldn't let you die like that, please understand..I love you Buffy." Angel said regaining some of his pride and power.

" 'Understand'..you want to me 'understand'?" Buffy said going quiet all of a sudden , sinking back onto the couch staring blankly at the wall behind him.

Angel knew he couldn't let her retreat he had to keep her responsive; with him. Before he could say anything more she said the words that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

" You know what I remember the most about last night? You should..." Buffy said, her voice faltering, her gaze still on the wall ahead of her.

" I was so scared, I knew I was dieing, and it scared me more than anything..I could feel the life leaving me, the cold seeping in. I was so scared." Buffy's voice broke as tears traced wet paths down her pale cheeks.

" Then I saw you over me, I was so glad then, I knew you would help me somehow, knew you'd save me. I slept in your arms, knowing that if I died it would be alright because I was with you." She looked at him then- her eyes, filled with so much sadness, they cut into him like knives.

" But I didn't die...not yet... I felt your hands on me, holding me down, pushing me down. You-y-ou hurt me just like them...I thought I was safe with you...but you--you.." Buffy broke off, sobbing holding her head in her hands.

Angel crouched down beside her on the couch, holding her tight in his arms. She didn't pull away from him as he expected, she pulled him to her, holding him with her new found strength. She stayed in his arms sobbing until she fell into a weary sleep.

All Angel wanted to do was comfort her, and thats what he did. He knew the first few months would be a hard adjustment. And the topic of her being a demon, not having a soul ...wait...

If she didn't have a soul, wouldn't he be half way to hell by now? Not holding her in his arms?

The question confused Angel to no end. Did Buffy have soul somehow?

That thought would have to wait until later, he knew Buffy must be hungry, he needed to get her something to eat.

Once squezzing out of her bone crushing embrace proved to be impossible, Angel just sat there looking down on her face pressed against his chest.

For now this was working, as long as she slept he felt alright. As long as she slept he didn't feel quite like the murderer that he was.


End file.
